don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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