Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
