he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she peed on how many people?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
