I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
