Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
