Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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