I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
