Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
