p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
