Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
