FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
