she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
