every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
