trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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