My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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