So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
