Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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