Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
