do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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