So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
