Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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