he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
