i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
