I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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