I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
