We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
