just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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