hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
