I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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