Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
