Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
