just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
