Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
