im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
