But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
