remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
