he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
