i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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