I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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