Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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