I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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