Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
