i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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