im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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