are you still at the devil's house?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
