She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
