I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
