Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.

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(770): View more from Georgia

That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously

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(513): View more from Ohio

sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

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(817): View more from Texas

And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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(907): View more from Alaska

Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...

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(757): View more from Virginia

pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?

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(416): View more from Toronto

My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.

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