Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
