got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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